Monthly Archives: March 2012

PTA Blues


When Amani started school I swore I would be a very prominent figure in her academic life. PTA meetings, bake sales, and playdates. I was going to be SuperMom. Whenever a social event came up at Amani’s school they’d call  me to do the decorations because I am the most creative.Or if the needed an article done in the school’s newsletter they call on me to be editor of that newsletter. I would be the go to mom for that.

     But no I have not received any call from Mariah’s dad to get together for a playdate, and Amani’s teacher Mrs. Thompson isnt asking me to chaperone the next field trip. 

I know its my fault that I’m not more involved with Amani’s school activities. Sure, I could blame my overtime hours for making me overtired so all i do is sleep. But i haven’t done it  because I’m scared to. I have awesome ideas for field trips and PTA meetings but I’m to scared to approach the school about my ideas

I’m embarrassed for not being more involoved with Amani’s education. I have yet to attend one PTA meeting. The plan with that was to be a slightly brown nosing newbie, volunteer for everything, charm the pants off of everyone and then take over. I guess I didn’t consider that I’d have a job with nontraditional hours that would prevent me from attending even one bake sale. Non chaperoning trips or volunteering to come in and read to the children. Nor did I consider that when the time came, I’d chicken out. Epic fail across the board.

So, how do I  redeem myself? After thinking about it long and hard I’ve decided I don’t need to redeem myself. I don’t have to prove to anyone that I care about Amani’s education. I prove it to her when I ask her what she learned in school when I pick her up. A moth ago, her class was learning about the food pyramid.I asked Amani about it to see how much she remembered , then I took her to our local supermarket and we had a lesson right there in the fruit and vegetable aisle. I looked up the benefits of some of the fruits and veggies online so that I myself was knowledgable  while schoolin’ my little girl.

I used to look down on parents who paid little to no attention to PTA meetings (and this was before Amani was even born). I just thought those parents were lazy and didn’t care but I now see that maybe they too are just wiped out from demanding jobs and maybe they are supplementing their lack of PTA preesence with field trips, bake sales, and story time of their own.Maybe they’re intimidated by the PTA too. And that’s OK.

Unleash The Sexy

     I purchased a new book called The Power of Wow: A Guide To Unleashing The Confident, Sexy You. I figured that now since I’m paying more attention to Jennice; the woman, I also need to work on my inside as well as my outside. I’ve had it for weeks but I just pulled off myself at random. I must say I’m kind of excited about this book.

     I’ve only recently had a boost in my confidence. Maybe it’s because I’m working now and I’m more financially independent. I find myself being more confident around my male counterparts.. At work, I flirt with all my men coworkers. Not anything inappropiate, but you know just enough to stroke both their ego and mine. I’ve always been a natural beauty (that’s right I toot my own horn) and have always been against wearing make up , so it surprised me when I noticed that I was picking out make up that would make my eyelashes longer and fuller because I’ve always been told my eyes were my best feature. Plus, I throw on a little lip gloss or lipstick. It makes me feel more confident as a woman to do these things.

     But I never thought about how I truly feel on the inside. Just as every other living person on the face of this Earth, I’ve had a rough upbringing. Ive had to deal with a drug addicted mother, being adopted, and becoming a teen mother. I never just stopped to think about how I truly feel about me. I’m hoping to dig down deep within myself and deal with the parts of myself that I don’t think are so beautiful. I want to accept all of me so that i CAN BE A MORE CONFIDENT SEXY ME!!!

I’ve had rough week. I’m not talking about the crazy-standing on  my feet for ten hours- working at Starbucks , Balducci’s, and Wolfgang Puck rough. That’s become something that I’ve come to expect. But mentally I’ve just been really drained.

     For the last two weeks I’ve been working overtime and coming home around midnight. Amani is usually asleep but once I’m home, she’ll wake up and be awake until 5 o’ clock in the morning. She’s supposed to wake up at 6:30 to get ready for school and if she doesn’t going to sleep until 5 am, I can’t in good conscious wake her up an hour and a half and expect her to go to school. She’s still a baby despite her protests that she’s a “big girl”. Not only that, I’m so wiped out from overtime, I don’t wake up until like 9:30 the next morning which is way past the time Amani’s supposed to be in school. So she doesn’t go and I’m left feeling guilty. I know she’s only in pre-kindergarten, but still social interaction with other children is important. Plus, she’s always talking about her friends, the little boy she has a crush on, and her teacher. 
     On nights when I have to do overtime, I call my mom and she gets on my case about how I spend no time with Amani and how she misses me and asks for me. I try to explain to my mom that I do overtime because I want my managers to see that I’m reliable and hardworking. I’m not looking to remain a cashier forever. One of the assistant managers just quit and I know I’m not going to get the job because I’ve only been there three months , but I could at least be in the running. I hate spending so much time away from Amani, but I’m trying to provide a living for us. I’m not going to be living with my mom forever. I take overtime so I’ll have money to save to get my own place.
     My mothers words hurt me but I did take the time to think about what she said. Maybe she’s right. I’ go right to bed when i get home and when Amani is having her late night rendezvous, I’m in and out of sleep. During the day I have little time, because I have to get to work so I spend no time with her then either.I realized my mother’s words hurt me because I felt like she was saying I was being a bad mother. She was only pointing out that I’m a good mother and she just wants me to stay that way. Amani asks for me because she loves being with me.. So, I am going to start saying no to overtime some nights and run home to my baby. Sure, some nights we’ll have midnight tea parties, but all that matters is what I do with the time I do have

Stop The Madness!!!

   I hate the way Amani eats! If she’s not eating like a bird, she’s eating a bunck of crap that has the nutritional value of 0. She eats cookies, cakes ,and candy *cringes* and drinks diet soda like it’s going out of style. Although, I’d like to blame my mother completely for Amani’s unhealthy eating habits, I can’t. I find myself succumbing more and more to Amani’s wishes for McDonald’s Happy Meals and sausage biscuits in the morning. The only semi nutritional thing she likes is mango pineapple smoothies and I’m still not sure those are all that loaded with fruit.

     I work from Friday thru Tuesday with Wednesdays and Thursdays off. I dont get home until about ten thirty, which is too late for Amani to eat a full dinner. Some nights I come home and Amani will wake up in the middle of the night and want something to eat. I hate going into the kitchen and opening the refrigerator only to find it empty because we’ve been doing take out and fast food. for a month. Well, no more. I’m going to start making home cooked meals for my family.
     I have been arguing with my mother lately about her disastrous eating. She’s a diabetic…with a mean sweet tooth. I have begged, pleaded, and beseeched her countless times to stop eating so wrecklessly. She refuses and I’m just so tired of the fighting. No one else is my household of four adults (myself included) c.ooks. I have a book full of recipes that are just sitting there and I think with Amani’s eating and my mom’s sweet tooth it’s time to dust them off and put them to good use. I want to start off cooking twice a week.Twice because the dishes I make are going to be enough to have leftovers for at least one night.
     I ordered a special cookbook with special diabetic meals just for my mom. I’ll be able to satisfy her sweet tooth and curb her overeating. Of course I think it’s important for Amani to eat veggies, but just like most children she’s no big fan. I’m going to look into some kid friendly veggie recipes. I know that there will be plenty of trial and error, variations of recipes, and ones that just come out bad but I never give up especially when it comes to my daughter and mom’s health.
     Amani’s father is Jamaican and I’d love to start making West Indian dishes into my American dishes so Amani can identify with her Jamaican culture as much as her American culture. I love to bake cakes and I think I’ll love cooking. I’m already drooling about the endless possibilities!