Father & Time

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    I’m a little late with this post. Although Father’s Day was Sunday, I want to talk about it today. My father lives in North Carolina with his mother. He’s 62 years old and he suffers from sickle cell anemia. He’s had it since his birth. My grandmother said that the doctors told her he would not live past a year. But here he is sixty one years later.

     My mom and dad met each other when my mother was pregnant with my older brother. She said he was very nosy about her pregnancy , so she didn’t like him. He left town for awhile and when he came back, he asked my mom for a date. The dated ended with my father drunk underneath a table but I guess something about him made my mom go for him.They spent alot of time partying together. They fought but my mom says my dad never hit her.
     After I was born my mom’s partying and wild ways didn’t stop and I was moved from her care. I’m not sure where my dad was when I went to live with my great aunt. Through the years, my father sent me birthday cards and letters and sometimes money. He’s called me at inconsistent times but I was alwasy happy to hear his voice. He’s been losing his hearing over the years and now when he speaks to me, he yells as if I’m deaf not him.I don’t care though as long as I can hear his voice. I wonder alot lately why I’ve held so much animosity towards my mother about giving me up when my father did not raise me either.
     I mean he didn’t step in to raise me as a single father. He didn’t raise me down south and have his mother help him to raise me.He had an alcohol problem just like my mom did. Yet, I love talking to him, getting letters and cards from him, and listening to my grandmother moan and groan about how stubborn he is. I think maybe I give him a reprieve because he’s a very sick man. I don’t want to bring up a conversation about his presence in my life at this stage of his life. I always tell people that I’m a daddy’s girl because I’m the only child he has but I really I feel the opposite. I feel like he acknowledges me and loves me and sometimes I feel like he’s sorry that he wasn’t more prominent in my life. I can accept that I guess and one day I hope to sit down with him and really tell him that Ive thought about the kind of relationship we have a million times and I’m ok with it because I turned out just fine. Happy Father’s Day.
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3 responses »

  1. This is a beautiful post. So much compassion.

    I struggle with my relationship with my father. He was a bully. I used to wish he wasn’t in my life. It’s always interesting to read about someone from the opposite side.

    Thanks for sharing your story. Stopping by from SITS.

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