Monthly Archives: August 2012

Schoolin” Life

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     Three of my coworkers are all returning to college next week. I’m proud of them for going back. They’re all between the ages of 19-21 and I’d much rather them go to school and get their education than to work all of their lives making minimum wage with no type of degree. But I can’t help but feel a little jealous of them. My brother, L is going back to college full time while holding down two jobs and raising three children. Plus he just got a promotion to manager at one of his jobs. That is alot of responsibility. I’m so proud of my brother for doing all those things but once again I find myself being jealous.

     I have one full time job and one child. I would love to go back to school. I should go back to school. I really enjoyed being a student. So instead of being jealous of my brother and coworkers, I’m going to make it my business to go back to school. I still have a dream of becoming a news anchor, radio show host, and published author. I can still make it happen. I’ve never given up on anything and I don’t see any reason to start.
     My plan is to get in touch with my school and find out how much I owe in financial aid and what my status is as a student at that school. My brother paid alot of his financial aide back with his taxes and then he just made steady payments until he was finally paid up. Then he did an academic appeal which I know I’m going to have to do and finally he was given his aid back. I don’t expect my plan to fully turn out like his and if it doesn’t I can pay for one class, until I do get my financial aid back. I have to start somewhere.
     We are going to be moving again. Mommy N wants to move to Manhattan and I am totally against it.I would love to move back to our old neighborhood which had this great suburban feel to it. Sure it was a little on the desolate side but it was quiet and every house had a front yard and it was always where i pictured raising Amani. Everyone suggested that I move out on my own and I would except I have no money saved up. I have a 401k but I can’t borrow against that for a long time. I refuse to go into a shelter because they are disgusting and I don’t want to subjectg Amani to that lifestyle. So for now I guess Manhattan it is.The only positive thing about that is I won’t have to give up my job. The train will be near where we move to. Still I wish I was moving out on my own. But it won’t be long before the shoe is on the other foot and I’ll be schoolin’ life.
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Up In Smoke

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     I have a confession to make: I’ve started smoking. I know, I know, it’s a nasty habit and if anyone had told me I’d be doing it ten years ago, I would’ve punched you. I started a week after my mom’s birthday, so I’ve been smoking for almost two months. Everyone I know hates that I do it. I’ve gotten “You’re too pretty to be smoking” or ” You need to leave that alone. My (insert relative here) died from lung cancer/emphysema”. Listen, I don’t need to hear that smoking is bad. I know that it is. I’ve seen what can happen as a result of smoking and no, I don’t want that to happen to me but I smoke anyway.

     The first time I smoked a cigarette, it belonged to my coworker. He didn’t offer it to me, I just took it out of his hand and smoked it. He was stunned but allowed me to keep it. I remember the light headed but calm feeling that came over me. I had been having a particularly stressful day and it was time for me to go on break. There was a long line of customers who wanted to order pizza and salad. I am the only cashier and it’s my responsibility to make both salad and ring up customers. Plus I have to ring up pizza orders as well. All while keeping my pizza makers from killing each other in a cloud of pizza dough. So i was pretty anxious to go to take a break. Once that smoke /nicotine got into my lungs, I felt so much better. All the stresses of the entire day faded away and I knew right then and there smoking was going to be my new vice.
     I hid it from Mommy N for about a month…or at least I thought I did. When i came clean, she had already known but decided to let me ‘fess up. She isn’t thrilled about it but accepts that I can make my own decisions no matter how disastrous she’s sure they are. As for Mommy A she just wants to remain in denial about what my adult life is like. My friends and coworkers aren’t pleased. I’m sure i will stop as soon as I fell less stressed or whathever this is that makes me smoke.