Up In Smoke

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     I have a confession to make: I’ve started smoking. I know, I know, it’s a nasty habit and if anyone had told me I’d be doing it ten years ago, I would’ve punched you. I started a week after my mom’s birthday, so I’ve been smoking for almost two months. Everyone I know hates that I do it. I’ve gotten “You’re too pretty to be smoking” or ” You need to leave that alone. My (insert relative here) died from lung cancer/emphysema”. Listen, I don’t need to hear that smoking is bad. I know that it is. I’ve seen what can happen as a result of smoking and no, I don’t want that to happen to me but I smoke anyway.

     The first time I smoked a cigarette, it belonged to my coworker. He didn’t offer it to me, I just took it out of his hand and smoked it. He was stunned but allowed me to keep it. I remember the light headed but calm feeling that came over me. I had been having a particularly stressful day and it was time for me to go on break. There was a long line of customers who wanted to order pizza and salad. I am the only cashier and it’s my responsibility to make both salad and ring up customers. Plus I have to ring up pizza orders as well. All while keeping my pizza makers from killing each other in a cloud of pizza dough. So i was pretty anxious to go to take a break. Once that smoke /nicotine got into my lungs, I felt so much better. All the stresses of the entire day faded away and I knew right then and there smoking was going to be my new vice.
     I hid it from Mommy N for about a month…or at least I thought I did. When i came clean, she had already known but decided to let me ‘fess up. She isn’t thrilled about it but accepts that I can make my own decisions no matter how disastrous she’s sure they are. As for Mommy A she just wants to remain in denial about what my adult life is like. My friends and coworkers aren’t pleased. I’m sure i will stop as soon as I fell less stressed or whathever this is that makes me smoke.
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4 responses »

  1. I couldn’t find an email address for you anywhere. I hope this is okay.

    I have you on my list for blog feedback. I got lots of requests, but I will get to you as soon as I can.

    No lecture on the smoking. You obviously know you shouldn’t. I hope your life gets much less stressful so you don’t feel the need anymore.

  2. You don’t need anyone to tell you that smoking is bad. I was a heavy smoker for years and it is something that I always struggle with. It’s always there. When you’re ready to quit you can try the patch, that seemed to work wonders for me, but it’s more the psychological aspect of smoking that was difficult to break. Hang in there

    Stopping by from SITS

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