Today’s truth is about Mommy N and I. Mommy N bought a Google Chromebook to replace a Lenovo laptop Amani broke. At first it was decided that everyone in the house would use the computer. The only ones capable of using the computer are me, X, Mommy N,and Amani. Then Mommy N decides she doesn’t like the computer and gives it to Amani. I was against the idea and felt like Amani is too young to own a computer.Plus, it would cause a problem between X and Amani because Amani is not used to sharing anything.It was a disaster destined to happen. Mommy N totally ignored my feelings about the situation, but I made Amani share it with X and Mommy N.Yesterday it finally imploded. Mommy N took the computer away from X because Amani had just woke up from a nap and wanted it.
X was upset because he was in the middle of a school assignment. I also was upset because Mommy N said she didnt believe X and I did. Mommy A jumped into the conversation saying she knew the computer would be trouble. So to end the whole discussion,Mommy N decided to take the computer away from everyone. I didn’t mind one bit.
My truth this week is that Mommy N undermines my authority when it comes to Amani. It’s fine if.for example, Amani asks for candy and I say no but her Mommy N says yes. But when it comes to more important things, I feel like I never have the upper hand. Amani needs structure and discipline and it’s my job to do that and Mommy N’s job is to support me as my mother and as Amani’s grandmother.
When I make a decision concerning Amani, Mommy N is always the opposition. I hate not having a hold on Amani like I should just because I want to avoid a confrontation with Mommy N. If her behavior keeps up, Amani will continually second guess or ignore my authority
I’ve had several conversations with Mommy N about it and she says she will stop doing it but continues to do so. I know she loves Amani and wants the world for her, but she needs to fall back and let Mama take the driver’s seat.
Truthful Tuedays is brand friggin’ new here on Mommy in Color. I’m not sure if I will make it any kind of series or weekly day but today I feel like telling a truth about me.It’s not like a mind altering,life changing truth but it is hard to put my truth out there nonetheless.
My truth is that I don’t know if I can do this. And what I mean by “this” is blogging. I mean I know I can write well. I’ve been doing it since I was five. I have won more elementary school essay and poem contests than I care to remember but this is a horse of a different color.I’m talking about something I love very much. I want to write every day for the rest of my life and yes…profit from it.But can I do it?
Right now I’m on unemployment with a mom who recently had a heart attack and doesn’t know if we should move or not. My five year old spends her days on her computer which I know is not healthy but sometimes I get lazy and honestly i don’t know where to start to get her more focused and ready for school.
Since I’ve chosen blogging as my writing medium, I’ve opened up myself for a whole new world of sometimes very confusing things like:plugins, and SEOs and sometimes it’s confusing even though I’ve purchased several books to help me out.Writing is the easier part, it’s just the promoting and figuring out how to make money with my words. That’s the part that makes me want to give up. I’ve never given up on anything in my life and I don’t want to start.I look at all the other young moms like me and see them some how balancing children, work,and school and I want that.
I feel pressured to set a good example for Amani. She depends on me to do everything for her and I won’t let her down.But where do I start? I’ve gotten advice from every one I know. Some have suggested that I go back into the working world and have a steady work history while some have advised me to follow my dream because I’ll never feel satisfied until I do.I appreciate all advice but it’s just so hard because no one is in my shoes but me. I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet, but sometimes I pick it up.
My Hair Regimen
So far I don’t do anything daily with my hair. I usually just throw it in a ponytail and then cover it with my silk scarf at night and if I’m too lazy for that, I have a satin pillowcase as backup.
Every week I wash my hair with one of my sulfate free shampoos. My favorite one is Curls Unleashed Lavish in Lather sulfate free shampoo. I like Curl Care by Dr.Miracles Rehydrating Shampoo but it doesn’t have much lather to it and I NEED lather to feel clean. I’ve adopted a new wash routine which is sectioning my hair in four parts, washing only the scalp with shampoo because the water will clean the rest of the hair shaft during rinsing. After that, I finger detangle,then comb detangle and apply my deep conditioner.My favorite is ORS Replenishing Conditioner. I let it sit for 30 minutes with a conditioning cap on,then wash out. I L.O.C with whatever oil I choose and with whatever hair lotion/cream I want. As long as it’s moisturizing,I’m good.
Monthly hair care requires alot of time, in my opinion.I have to switch up shampoos to either a clarifying one or chelating one. My fave is ORS Creamy Aloe Shampoo,which is a clarifying shampo. Then I use a protein conditioner, either ORS Hair Mayo or Aphogee Keratin 2 minute reconstructor. Protein is a little harsh so i follow up with a moisturizing conditioner like ORS Hair Masque. My favorite part of monthly hair care is my hot oil treatment. I get to use whichever oil I feel like my hair needs and it always turns out feeling amazing!It only stays in for 30 minutes but that’s more than enough time to have my hair feeling soft and manageable. Lastly, is L.O.C.
I don’t style my hair much these days. I usually do either a sock bun or a faux ponytail. I know ,I know it’s boring but I promise to find other things I can do. I’m most concerned now with healthy hair because to me that is the sexiest kind of hair. Some of the products I mentioned earlier are going to be swapped out for new ones and some are going to become staples.
Things to Add/Change:
I plan or becoming more vigilant with my regular hair treatment becuase to be honest it does take TIME. Some days I’m too lazy to even run a comb through my hair nd those of you who know me personally, are a witness to that. I also want to make the move to finally “dust my hair. After I’m done with my AntiBreakage Challenge, I’m going to cut my own hair!!!! No, don’t try to stop me, I finally have the courage and know how to do it myself. Besides, me buying some hair scissors are waaaayyyy cheaper than me paying someone who doesn’t know anything thing about my lovely locs to do it. Although, I’m still a newbie to #teamlonghairdontcare, I want to incoporate more organic products to my arsenal. That’s more so to benefit Amani’s hair than mine because alot of the products I use on myself, I also use on her and she still has virgin hair. I’ve discovered yet another wonderful natural hair website that is more directed towards little ladies and I am in love with it. It’s beadsbraidsbeyond.blogspot.com. I encourage all my mothers of chocolate chip lovelies to try the hairstyles and hair tips before relaxing their children’s hair. I can proudly say that before I ever decided to get on a natural hair journey, I encouraged Amani to love her ‘fro as is. And she does. As I mentioned before, Iam soon planning a visit to Miss Jessie’s Hair Salon to get some professional advice on my hair and I’m also going to do a consultation with Miss Kavuli of Good Hair Diaries, as soon as I work it into my schedule.My birthday is coming up and as I get older, I want my hair to reflect how I feel about myself as a woman and mom.
Lately, I’ve been feeling so down and in such a rut. I don’t go out much and life around my house is dull City. Mommy A and N wear me out with their constant neediness. Mommy N insists that Amani and I go with her everywhere and that I run back and forth to the store for her at least three times a day. I don’t mind helping Mommy N with doctor’s appointments or business appointments, but it upsets me when I have to get Amani dressed and myself just to go up the street with her. She calls me just to get something out of the refrigerator for her and that is annoying because sometimes I’m in the middle of a conversation or some other task. We’ve had several heated discussions about me being her daughter, not her slave.SHe always tries to guilt trip me by saying she’s going to get a home health aide. I’ve built a resisitance to that. She’s very much capable of going out by herself and I’ve tried to encourage her to make some new church friends.The time and energy I spend at home worrying and taking care of Mommy N has even started to put a damper on my social relationships. I haven’t been out to see my ex coworkers or any of my friends socially in months.
I remember now why I loved going to work so much. It wasn’t just about the money. It was about feeling accomplished when I left out of my house and leaving behind all the bullshit and drama that was going on at home all the time. I never enjoyed leaving Amani but the relief kept me from feeling depressed. Now that I’m back staying at home,I’m happy to be with Amani more but I’m really miserable. Watching all my mothers aches and pains and taking medication and doctors’ visits is just really draining. Mommy A said to me the other day “Jennice you’ve been around us so long, you’re starting to look old”.That right there tells me I’m wasting my youth. I’ll be 24 years old in three weeks and I’m not even excited.Writing is my passion and I want to do it as a career but how can I write with any good feelings when I feel the opposite? Do I suck it up and keep going until I “feel” better or do I go back to my safety net: an outside job. Is this just a temporary slump I’m going through and how do I get out of it?
For week two of the antibreakage challenge, I once agained used my sulfate free shampoo as a substition for a moisturizing shampoo. I used ORS Hair Mayo as my medium protein treatment. It had to be used as a preepoo 30 minutes before washing. I sectioned my hair in fours and applied a hair masque,covered with a conditioning cap,and blew dry with my handheld blow dryer. After I rinsed that out, I L.O.C.’d as usual. My go to style for that week was my sock bun.
Week three, I was required to use a light protein conditioner so I took an ARGO cornstarch container ,put a tablespoon of Hair Mayo and put loads of EVOO and mixed them together. I applied to hair and let sit under a hand dryer with my conditioning cap on. I used Aphogee Leave In Treatment and the put EVOO and HAIRepair Intense Moisture Creme. I think I’ll be rocking a twistout this week! Until next week,friends!
The Argo cornstarch container where I put my light protein mix
Aphogee Leave In Conditioner
The other night,my family and I watched WWE’s Wrestlemania 29. It was my first time watching wrestling in about six years. My brother L, and I started watching it in 1996.We were watching WCW and soon discovered WWF. The first night we watched it I saw The Rock for the first time. From that day on every Monday and Thursday me,L,and my late Aunt Jeanette were glued to the television for two hours straight. Mommy N would order the pay-per-view evets for us if we promised to got to bed right after it went off.
My favorite wrestlers were Stone Cold Steve Austin,Triple H, The Rock,Chris Jericho,and the Undertaker.I also had wrestlers that were just attractive to me. As L and I got older, we stopped watching wrestling as much and found new interests.My Aunt Jeanette still watched it every now and then but I guess for her it wasn’t the same without us. My other brother X, and his father watched it faithfully but I realized alot of the wrestlers I had known were either retired or dead.
I decided to watch Wrestlemania 29 because a few of my faves were going to be there defending either their honor or championship belt.I was excited to see The Rock v. John Cena, Undertaker v. CM Punk, and Triple H v. Brock Lesnar. We gathered around the television and it felt like old times. We had snacks and me and X reminisced about when we used to reenact matches when we were kids and my Uncle and stepfather talked about the days of wrestling in the 70s and 80s. As we watched Undertaker perform his signature moves and Triple H get the crowd hyped up for what was definitely going to be classic Triple H.
I had so much fun and I screamed so loud I became hoarse. Amani was supposed to watch it with us because The Rock was voted Favorite Buttkicker in this year’s Kid’s Choice Awards and I told her that The Rock was a wrestler and had been for years. But her baby fatigue set in and she was asleep long before his match came up.
While my heart raced as I cheered on Triple H,I couldn’t help but think about my Aunt Jeanette and how she would have loved being right in the middle of all of all that hootin’ and hollerin’. I’m sorry that I didn’t continue watching wrestling with her when I thought it was for babies and I realize that all those Mondays and Thursdays weren’t necessarily about the sweaty, bulky, tall, young..sorry…wrestlers but it was always about spending time with my family. Thank you,Wrestlemania 29, for bringing an old and forgotten tradition back into my life and for reminding me that the feeling of comraderie is the best when it’s with family.