Sex and the Single Me

I needs me a man! Things with Avery’s father fell apart fairly quickly after I became pregnant. We weren’t in a traditional relationship to begin with so I was not surprised when after I told him Avery was coming, he quickly exited the picture.

I was kind of bitter about the way thongs ended and even went into a mini man hating phase. Then my libido kicked back in. I had my first sexual experience 3 months after Avery was born. It was a casual thing with someone I know. There were no real feelings attached,it was just sex and we went back to our regular friendship.

I’m not good at picking men. I never have been and I’m not sure when or if I’ll be ready for a serious committed relationship. I think I want to be a wife but I’m not sure because I’ve never imagined myself as one. I knew I was going to be a mom and its what I wanted but wife just seems a little murky to me.

I don’t have any examples of healthy relationships in my family except for my brother. My biological mother was married at 17 to the love of her life but when drugs came into the picture, her marriage was ruined. She pined for that man until she passed away. It was sad to watch her go through that. My adopted was with a great guy and they also got married. But a week or two later, she kicked him out after realizing she sidnt want to be a wife. I loved her husband and was looking forward to him being my dad. So that hurt me that things didn’t work out. This is cliche, but I’m scared of commitment and getting my heart broken.

With the things going on in my life right now, I don’t have the attention to dedicate to a serious relationship. However, I enjoy being with someone but also like being left alone. I think I will date casually for awhile. My definition of casual is we go to the movies or dinner, we are intimate, we talk or text occasionally, and we have our lives. None of these casual acquaintances will be introduced to my kids because it’s inappropriate in my opinion.

I don’t feel any pressure to get down the aisle because I’m 30 or whatever nor do I feel pressure to marry because my kids should have a father. These are reasons other people have given me for why I should be ready to marry. I DO feel pressure to find happiness for myself in whatever way I can and I’m not apologizing for that.

5 Comments Add yours

  1. Jeanine Byers says:

    I hope you find exactly what you’re looking for now, and then, someday, even more. It’s good to have people in your life other than your kids. I didn’t when my son was small, not for a long time. But it might have been better if I did.


    1. mommyincolor says:

      My mom doesn’t date either. She says it was because her husband was still alive and in ou religion you aren’t supposed to remarry. Your husband/wife must pass away before dsting again. My stepfather passed away and I think she’s jist scared to put herself out there again. Thank you for stopping by!


  2. It sounds like you are a “quirklyalone” like me. (Have you read that book?) I love men, too, but I don’t want a man around 24/7. I would enjoy a committed relationship with the right man and I would expect commitment in return, but not breathing down my throat all the time expecting me to do everything he does, etc etc etc. NO THANK YOU! Always good to see you blogging and I love your babies.


    1. mommyincolor says:



  3. lydiaschoch says:

    Yeah, dating is tough.

    I’m rooting for you. Hope you find the perfect person soon.


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