For those who follow me across social media, you know that my mother passed away on May 5th. My daughter woke me up and told me her grandmother was laying across her(my daughter’s) bed unresponsive. I went in the room, saw Mom, called 911 and performed chest compressions for around 20 minutes until EMTs arrived to take over. Once at the hospital, I was informed that Mom had lost too much oxygen from her brain and heart and she was brain dead. I waited 4 days to see if there has been a change but she…couldn’t hold on anymore.
I was up at the hospital 5 minutes after the hospital called to tell me she passed. What’s funny is all the night before I couldn’t sleep. And I had a dream that her sister (my biological mom) came to see me. When I asked her if she came to get Mom and take her back with her, she simply replied ” Don’t worry about nothin'”. I knew that it was a confirmation of the inevitable. My uncle, cousin, and Titi( Spanish for aunt) were waiting for me and we went to say goodbye to Mom together.
I made my peace months ago that Mom would not be here for much longer. She had been doing dialysis treatments for about 18 months and the struggle to keep her maintaining it was hard from the beginning. She was a tough and proud woman. Admitting she was sick and needed help in ANY way was a real struggle for her. But my God…she fought like HELL to stick around. She started her dialysis treatments when Avery was around 9 months old. Then two months after that, we had the house fire, then a month later we were in a shelter, Coronavirus hit 2 months after that,and it’s been a roller-coaster of SHIT since then.
I just hosted Mom’s memorial service because I decided to cremate her. A few relatives came and as nervous as I was, it was a simple but lovely affair for the Lady In My Life. Now,what’s next? I have a brand new apartment that my mom left me with, brand new bills in MY.NAME. and two kids to fuide through grief and raise. Ive never run mt own household. My mother was definitely the matriarch of our little family and the hole she left is one I’m scared to even touch. I’m not her, but alot of her is in me. I just want to make her proud.
One good thing to come out of this is…..I’m getting married. I’ve been with Anthony about 11 months. He’s seen me through the last year of Mom’s illness and he’s really stepped up in a big way. I can’t wait to be his wife. But before that, I have to decorate and furnish this apartment. I have no sense of style, really. I have many different tastes and I’m hoping to not overwhelm my home with everything I like.
My mom was a stylish woman. She had a rule that it didn’t matter how much you paid for something, it’s how you put it together. With that bit of motherly advice, I’m going to make this a home. Losing Mom has really thrown me for a loop. I feel like I’m in a dream…like nothing is real and I’m just going through the motions. That’s grief, I suppose. I have chosen a seat of honor for her in the house, so that she still knows who is coming and going. After all, a Queen must know her subjects lol