To The Tik Tok You Don’t Stop

It’s been quite a Summer. As I said before, emotionally It’s been hell. I took the children for annual physicalsl exams and Shug has been diagnosed with depression. Her doctor wants to take care of that immediately and its been classified as a crisis. Her weight is also an issue because of the depression and overall terrible couple of years. She’s had a few meltdowns and it’s heartbreaking to cope with.

Aside from that, Pop has been updated on vaccines and given a clean bill of health. I’m to cut down on junk food, have him practice wearing a mask, wean him off the pacifier,and get him into an earlier bedtime routine. Same for Shug since she’s starting school… I think. I don’t know how soon I can transfer her from her current school. She misses it but the commute is 2 hours away.

I rode a similar commute in my freshman year of high school. I had to leave home just as the Sun was coming ip to take 3 city buses back and forth to school. That’s actually how my coffee addiction started. I would come in late to 1st period with a cup of bodega coffee or cappuccino. My teacher was a saint and let me drink it in class while catching up on the lesson l, but it was brutal for my growth. I did transfer in 10th grade but because the BOE is ridiculous, they denied my transfer. My mom had to fight tooth and nail to get them to do it. I don’t want Shug doing that because it’s too much for her to handle another scary change like a 2 hour commute across NYC…on the train?! In NYC?!?!Without me?! In NYC?!?! Nope. And miss me with the “tough love”and “pushing out f the nest” crap. It doesn’t work in this case. A transfer to a school closer to home would serve her better.

Even though we’ve been dealing with these personal struggles, I’ve still attempted to keep the children social and outdoors. I took Avery to his first birthday party,which he LOVED. It was a wonderful Baby Shark themed outdoor cookout. My extended family and their friends(which included my favorite Titi) were so welcoming to us. The birthday boy’s mom put together the lovely pictures I used for my mom’s memorial. Huge fan of hers!

The Birthday Boy and his parents

Shug and Pop having birthday cake

Me and Shug showing some love to the birthday boy’

Pop loves Baby Shark as well and had no problem giving some shark face

Me, My Titi(center) and her friends

My fiancée has some great friends and they LOVE to have barbeques! I’ve been to at least 3 bbqs and some of them were just because the weather was nice. I enjoyed myself hearing stories of previous get togethers, past drunken altercations, and of course, bikes(of any kind). Oh, and Pop stole his first kiss🤦🏾‍♀️ too.


The beautiful little girl Pop planted a wet one on

As much as grief is a large part of ny days in the last four months, I’m still trying to be present and move forward. I watched my mom pick herself up time and time again after being knocked down. She was a Black woman who grew up in the 60s, so she had no choice. The resilience she carried, I do too. Not to say I’m ignoring my grief or pushing it away. I have days where I want to not move a muscle because I’m too sad. I live in those moments and my fiancée takes care of everything while I go through my shit. I make it ONLY a moment because to give the sadness any more life is disastrous. Oh, and to help me and the kids focus on something positive, we got a dog!!!

I have FOREVER been a crazy cat lady but this freaking pup stole my heart, the minute I watched a video of his birth. I soon found out he was the runt of his litter. Well, I’m a sucker for an underdog and I begged my guy’s friend not to sell him to anyone. After 8 excruciating weeks of hearing about him through his original owner and holding him once after he wa born, he came to his forever home. His name is (don’t laugh) Ray Xander Sterling. Ray is the name of a favorite American Horror Story character of Shug’s. It is also the name of My Guy’s brother who passed away. Xander was chosen by The Guy for a reason I forget and Sterling is a family name. Honestly, I don’t love it and wanted to name him after either a Frasier character(Niles) or Seinfeld character( Kramer or Newman).But majority rules so 🤷🏾‍♀️… I’ll definitely be updating you on his shenanigans. Btw,he’s a 2 month old king corso/pitbull mix.

Time has moved really fast this Summer. It was hard but I’m glad time allowed me to reconnect with old friends and family and spend time with new folks. I’m going to be ok. I finally feel ok.

He slept where he wanted the first couple of days but he now knows where his bed is
Shug’s face when she walked into the kitchen and found a puppy. Look at the joy!
After living w/ a litter of 4 plus 2 adult dogs for 2 months, Ray DESPERATELY needed a bath the first night

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Ali says:

    Great post!


    1. mommyincolor says:

      Thank you! I hope you’ll return for more.


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