Category Archives: From My Personal Diary

a deeper look inside my head&hurt

#JumpstartYourJournal Day4- Create

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It’s Day 4 of the #JumpstartYourJournal challenge. How is it going so far? If you’ve been meaning to jump in but haven’t yet, don’t stress. Just grab a pen and paper (or open the Notes app on your phone) and start today. 
Today’s prompt is CREATE. Some questions to get you started: 
What has been your greatest creation? What have you created lately that fills you up with joy? What are those things you long to create that are on your list of possibilities? 

Whenever I think of ways to describe myself, I always say creative. That means that I love to create…in different mediums. I love to write but I also love to crochet,color,scrapbook, and most recently make slime. Growing up, I loved trying different arts and crafts activities and couldn’t wait to see the new sets the toy store had. Btw, Toys R Us’ Imaginarium section is great for those of you who have little creators of your own.

My greatest creation (aside from Amani) is this here blog. I started it in 2012 after making the decision to go natural. I really wanted to somehow intertwine natural hair care and motherhood.Well, Mommy In Color has gone through a few changes in my quest to find my niche. As a matter of fcat,fact I’m still looking for it. I’m sure most experienced bloggers balk at the idea that I don’t know/have my niche yet. However, I like that I dabble in different subjects,challenges,and prompts. That just means I have something for everyone who visits this space.  Hence the name of my blog. I want to explore all the colors of life.

Mommy In Color is an extension of myself. When I have visitors,I want them to feel like they’re meeting me in the flesh. I want my readers to get a friendly and relaxed vibe and to understand that I’m an open minded person who enjoys writing. Admittedly, I am a lazy writer but I’m always drafting posts and thinking of ways to revamp Mommy In Color. 

 I promise to post more often. I have a small readership and I want to keep them. Starting in September,I will be posting 2x a week and I hope to take my blog to a new level in some way. I started a Instagram account for my books, and I’m thinking I would like to start reviewing books either here or maybe a new blog. I’m not sure what the future holds but I will ALWAYS have Mommy In Color !

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#JumpstartYourJournal Day 3-Refuge

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Welcome to day 3 of our #JumpstartYourJournal challenge, where we commit to journaling 5-10 minutes a day to help clear our mind and get clarity on where we’re headed. 
Today’s prompt is REFUGE. Spend a few minutes considering:
Where do you feel safe? When faced with challenges or stress, who or what do you turn to first? How do those safe spaces serve you? 

This one is easy. I have always found solace in libraries. Like, I love books and just reading itself reduces stress levels. But more often than not,I’m still at the place where I’m feeling the most stress(home). So when I want to completely shut out all the noise in my head,I go to the library. It’s number one rule:quiet. I’m not fond if the small one a few blocks from my home,  it it serves it’s purpose. It stops the noise.

Libraries give me a chance to be someone else,somewhere else,and in another time.  A chance to take a little vacation.  I started cutting class i n high school.  As soon as I started perfecting how to do it and not get caught, I spent my time at the huge library a few blocks away from my high school.  My mom were butting heads a lot at home  I was a “loser” at school,and I was sad all the time.  But not at the library.

#JumpstartYourJournal Day 2-Belonging

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For me,today’s prompt is pretty short and sweet. I kept having block and then a few lines came to me and I went with it. As I said before, this journaling activity is hosted by Tara of The Young Mommy Life and you can find all prompts on her FB page, The Renaissance Suite.

​Welcome to day 2 of our #JumpstartYourJournal challenge, where we commit to journaling 5-10 minutes a day to help clear our mind and get clarity on where we’re headed. 
Today’s prompt is BELONGING. 
Where do you fit in? What people/spaces make you feel like you belong? Have you outgrown any people/spaces in the past year? If so, how do you feel about that?
Where should I belong?

How do you know when you have arrived at the place you belong?

Is it a feeling? 

Can you hear your belonging? 

Perhaps you feel longing and hear others belonging

#JumpstartYourJournal Day 1- Identity

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I am four days behind on this activity, so I’ll just start at day one and shout out to Tara of The Young Mommy Life for hosting this on her FB page, The  Renaissance Suite

Our Day 1 prompt of our #JumpstartYourJournal challenge is Identity. 
Who are you? How do you define yourself? Are you comfortable with who you are and where you are? What aspects of your personality/character are you working on? 
Spend 5-10 minutes reflecting on these questions and jot down your thoughts. 

I don’t know how I define myself. I know how I see myself as a person. To me,I am a sensitive free spirit who has more book smarts than I do street smarts. I don’t care for conflict but of provoked,my words can sting. I’m stubborn to a fault but I think it just adds to my charm!

I don’t like where I am in life.  It’s a million miles away from where I thought I’d be,even with the added hardships of having been a teen mom. I’m disappointed and ashamed every time I think about being on the bottom rung if the adulthood ladder. I’m sick and tired of being stagnant and I’m starting to make small changes.

Someone from my past recently told me that over the past 6 years that he’s known ne,my style had not changed. Those words were not the ones he used,but they made me go on the defensive.  I went on an Instagram rampage  about how “I don’t need to change” and “Physical appearance doesn’t mean anything to me. After calming down,this “blast from my past”and I had a follow up conversation.  He explained that he simply meant  that the growing up I have done as a person isnt reflected in my style. Simply put, I still look like a high school girl(complete with glasses and braces). I asked other friends how they felt about my look,they told me their honest opinions(which stung a little), and went on to explain that they hadnt said anything because they thought they would offend me and they know how defensive I can get. I said all that to point out that I’m working on my defensiveness and my dismissive attitude when I think someone is being mean to me or not accepting of me.

And although I’m saying all these good things, I’m still peeved about the critiques I got. They shouldn’t bother me,they should be taken as advice and not critiques,but…IT’S.KILLING.ME. TO. NOT. BE.DEFENSIVE. Eh,baby steps right?

From my Personal Diary- Happy Birthday,King of Pop

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August 29,2013

Today would have been Michael Jackson’s 55th birthday.I’m reminded of when I first fell in love deep admiration for him. I was 13 years old and Mommy N,L,and I were watching his 30th anniversary special. There were alot of performers singing his hits but the real magic started when he got on stage.

He was in his 40s so I was aware he was “past his prime”. Or so the media kept insisting. That’s not what I saw. I saw pure magic on that stage. I saw a man who had (beyond a shadow of a doubt) been blessed with a true gift of music. He lived it and I saw it. From that day,I was hooked. Mommy N said Michael had been around forever and that she had loved him too when he was in the Jackson 5. I didn’t care about her experience with him because she didn’t connect with him like I did.

He was obviously different. I knew all about all the things people,newspapers,and t.v said about about “Wacko Jacko” and maybe some of it had merit. When Michael opened his mouth,I heard his soul. I heard how he was saddened by what people thought but how he could’nt help who he was. I was 13 so of course I felt misunderstood by everyone in my life. But that feeling went on into adulthood. And Michael was there.

No,I am not some crazed superfan. I’m just a woman who is a bit complicated and found the theme song to that. Michael,like myself,was a kindred spirit to complications and made music for others who felt the same. Happy Birthday,Michael.