Tag Archives: #BlackMoms

My Hair Regimen 2019

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My Hair Regimen 2019

Hey, natural moms!! Raise your hand if you’re like me and neglect your hair because you’re a mom…I’ll wait…………Uh huh, exactly as I thought, most of you put all your energy into child rearing and forget about you. I’m with you,girl.

With Amani self care went out the window. I was raised by a single mom who worked and neglected her social life a lot. So to prove I was a good mom, I did the same. A year into that, I was like “Nah, I have to breathe. So I started figuring out how to make myself feel better when I can’t go out. So I went natural in 2013. I started off really strong dedicating alot of money and time to getting my hair in check.

Fast forward and I have Avery,who is a HANDFUL and I don’t have time for hair. But when I do try to tame the bird’s nest on my head, I keep the same regimen as I did 6 years ago. As tight as my budget for myself is, I managed to get a couple new hair products,some I’ve used faithfully and a couple new things. I’m a product junkie, so definitely tell me what you’re using on your and how you use it.

Pre poo(prepping the hair with product before wash. This step makes the hair more pliable for washing.

I usually use use a cheap conditioner by VO5 for pre poo but I think I have found a holy grail with Creme of Nature’s Clay and Charcoal prepp treatment. I’ve heard good things about the detoxifying benefits of charcoal so I wanted in. OMG, it immediately softens the curls before the hair is even clean. It goes on smooth and has a slight detergent smell but I loved it. I section my hair into six and apply the product generously to each section.

Then I cover with a plastic cap and headscarf for ten minutes. Enough time to make sure Avery isn’t destroying something or annoying his sister.

Washing:

I rinse out the pre poo, then apply a shampoo. I love ORS’s Monoi Oil Anti Breakage Leave In cream. It doubles as a deep conditioner, which is the next step. I never used the shampoo or conditioner that’s in the same product line. I like good slip in my shampoo and this shampoo has meh slip. It is sooo hard to squeeze out the conditioner from the bottle because it’s really thick. It should have been in a jar. But just after shampooing, I noticed less breakage as promised. Because of my neglect I had a lot of breakage. Yes, I’d use this shampoo and conditioner again.

Conditioning:

Because of aforementioned breakage, I needed a protein conditioner. It helps with breakage by strengthening the hair shaft. I normally use ORS Hair Mayo but I needed something powerful so I turned to Aphogee’s 2 Step Protein Treatment. It’s watery in consistency which apparently is good for my low porosity hair but ut hardens in the hair fast so apply quick ly. I left it on for 10 minutes and it took quite a bit of rinsing to make sure it was out. I don’t think I’ll use it again, the hardening of my hair was not cool.

I applied the ORS Monoi Oil Anti Breakage conditioner(see previous picture)because protein conditioners really dry your hair out and you need to replace that moisture. Im not going to lie, I love this line because the packaging is my favorite color but the products are very good. I love that there are no overwhelming scents and it’s not expensive. I use a lot of products on my hair and I don’t want competing smells on it.

I usually leave conditioner on my hair for around 30 minutes. Its covered in a plastic cap and head scarf. More time to check in with kids, scroll Twitter, or look up new Pinterest crockpot recipes. I have this multi tasking thing IN.THE.BAG.

The Big Finish:

After I rinse out conditioner, i add a leave in conditioner. Creme of Nature Argain Oil line is primo. Ive used the shampoo, intense conditioner,and curlxl creme but the leave in is my favorite. It makes the hair shiny, has a clean scent and the oil keeps it moisturized. It’s a liquid spray that yoh must shake to activate.

After that, I apply my oils which is usually Jamaican Black castor oil, extra virgin olive oil, or coconut oil. The blend I’m currently using is JBCO, EVOO,and tea tree. All of them have excellent hair benefits including thickening of hair, antifungal properties, and moisture retention. If I’m not going to twist my hair right away, then I make six large cornrows and cover in my headscarf when I sleep.

I know this routine seems like a lot but your hair needs love and time and patience, just like your kids. If you have other methods of hair care, I’m all ears. Find me on IG, Facebook, and Twitter.Until next week!!

What Is A Single Mom?

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What Is A Single Mom?

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Spawned, and the topic was Who Can Be Called A Single Mom? The hosts described how they define a single mom. I believe one of the hosts’ husband has passed away so she considers herself single. After hearing their perspective, I started thinking what “single mom” means to me. So let me back up a bit.

My grandmother became a widow in 1970 after 10 years of marriage and 5 children with my grandfather. She did not date much, deciding instesd to work and raise the children. It wasnt so hard for her to do this because she had plenty of family to look after the kids while she worked. She didnt start dating until all the children were grown. According to my mom she dated a couple losers before finding a good guy and giving birth to a 6th child. She didn’t marry my uncle’s dad but they were a couple until his sudden death. He did provide financially for my uncle through his retirement benefits and there were also death benefits my uncle received as well.

To me,the fact that my grandma had a romantic partner that loved with her means she was not single. Here’s another example. My biological mother was married when she was 17 to a much older man she hsd known since childhood. They had a son a few years into marriage and then my mom left her husband. She started an affair with another married man which resulted in a baby. The married man stayed with his wife but his wife got even with him by giving my mother his social security number to claim child support for the baby. My mom went on to have 2 more children while still legally married. My youngest brother’s father was her domestic partner for around 20 years,outlasting her actual marriage. However, I considered her single because she was married through her last 3 pregnancies and her husband and her were estranged.

I consider myself single for the same reason,kind of. I’ve never been married and I’m not in a commited relationship with someone who helps take care of my kids.

Here’s a last example for you before you decide what you think single is. My adopted mom was married to a man 20 years ago. She split up with him a month or two into their marriage and they have not seen or spoken to each other since 2000. In 2006,Mom got baptized into out faith, Pentecostal Christian. In our beliefs,divorce although recognized legally is not recognized by the church. You can not date anyone until your spouse has passed. If you do legally divorce, you still can not date or remarry until your spouse has died. So according to the church, my mom was not single until her husband died a few months ago.

So,whenever a mom tells you she’s single,think about what that means for you (if you’re pursuing a mom) and ask her what that means to and for her. Tell me,moms, how do you define being a single mom?

Thoughts on 30

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I’m 30 years old now. I still can’t believe that. When you have what’s called a milestone birthday,it really makes you think. I let the Devil get in my head and tell me I was a failure at life. He played bsck to me the lives of those around me and pointrd out how I falk shorrt of that. I fell for it hook,line,and sinker instead of focusing on the good things. I’m alive,I have a home, I eat every day, my kids are healthy,I have no majot health issues. Thank you God for those blessings.

I do feel unfulfilled in my life, though. I don’t have money, a job, and cam BARELY feed my family. Plus, my mom is very sick and won’t seek medical treatment. She’s having kidney failure qnd heart problems and I think she’s given up fighting for her life. That troubles me more than anything. I’ve tried talking to her about going but all I get is the brush off. That makes me angry because I feel like her giving up is selfish.But maybe she’s scared because she knows it’s bad and it may be too late. If that is the case, I would rather face it head on than do nothing. I jave prayed yhat the Lord will move her to take care of herself but it’s out of my hands, isn’t it? Since that’s the case I have to focus on getting my own life together. I called my aunt to clme over and see if she can talk some sense into her. If that doesn’t work, I’ll just pray that Mom reconciles herself to God before it’s too late.

My prayers lately have been for God to show me what my next steps should be in order to get my life together. He seems to be pointing me in the direction of crochet. I wanted tp3 sell some of it last year but had to deal with issues with my pregnancy. But this time, He seems to be revealing the plan to me in small achievable steps. He’s an awesome God because while I’m crocheting,my mind and hands are busy,not idle.

Mind you, I don’t know the first thing about being in a self made business. But God will show me because HE is my business partner. There is a podcast, B. Hooked, that I listen to about crochet that has skme episodes about being a business. I can start there. I have a few sample stitches Ive done and I can post them for people to see. Last night, before I went to bed I got a message from the Lord to make a unisex baby blanket. I have the right yarn for it and I’ll just read a pattern. This plan CAN work.

I posted on social media that I aas moving in silence and right away one of my friends called me a dumb ass and another tried to guilt me into telling her. I told them that I’ll revealed everything when the time is right. I don’t know how they’ll feel about that but I’m not worried about it. I’m exercising my right to be quiet. If they are my friends,they’ll understand. If not,may the Lord remove them from my journey. I feel a little lighter already about things and I have to keep my focus on the Lord.

My Baby Development Series

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My Baby Development Series

For those of you who dont know, I have a monthly livestream series on Periscope. Its called Oh,Baby! and it follows the development of my son,Avery. I want to bring Avery live with me so you can all drool over him. He is in the first episode,though.You can catch it every 5th of the month at 10 am EST. THE next one airs this coming Tuesday. If you jave missed any episodes, here they are and I hope to see you live with any questions or comments you may have. If I cant answer your questions at that time, I will post the answers on my Facebook page. As always thanks for the likes,follows,and shares!

Episode 1- Introduction/Labor& Delivery:

https://www.pscp.tv/w/b0k0GjFWR2p2RFJwa0paUU98MWpNS2dPRExWdm1LTIwmjCsRiI323gRd37VS0Shed8-SKg8CDvbyp-YLDkfU

Episode 2- Routine:

https://www.pscp.tv/w/b0k1VjFWR2p2RFJwa0paUU98MWdxeHZuUk1ibHF4QoVJGxyXQrOiSiwY2uCl9OaY2Y33DGGzhu36MEfsltiV?t=2s

Episode 3- Settled:

https://www.pscp.tv/w/b0k0vDFWR2p2RFJwa0paUU98MXlOeGFPa1pOcnZHartPIfmc6lpnX1A1UPJfPJNsnqRMVhqGGldAjrK-u5TX

3 Thing I Learned During Pregnancy

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I am so glad to not be pregnant anymore. The last few weeks were really uncomfortable. I developed some weird pain in the top of my swollen foot along with a multitude of weird pain inducing and sometimes gross symptoms. But now Avery is here and I’m feeling a little reflective. This pregnancy was very different from the first one birth physically and mentally and I definitely learned a few things about myself and pregnancy:

1) Being dehydrated can cause preterm contractions. I went into the hospital 2 weeks ago because of contractions. They didnt hurt and I had been having them for a few days so I chalked it up to Braxton- Hicks contractions which are not a big deal and no cause for alarm. I was told that I was having contractions because I was dehydrated. (Of course I am Doc, I’m peeing every ten minutes🙄)You see,

Your uterus is a big muscle and, just like any other muscle in your body, it can cramp up when you don’t have enough water.
When someone is pregnant, their blood volume increases by almost two times its usual amount, she explains. If they become dehydrated, blood flow to the uterus is reduced, causing uterine cramping or contractions due to the lack of hydration. “The uterus’s response to the lack of blood volume and fluids is to cramp, which can result in menstrual-like cramping or contractions”- Shannon M. Clark, M.D.

I was encouraged to drink 10-12 glasses of water a day for the rest of my pregnancy and sent home. The water did make the pain disappear.

Dehydrated in the Labor and Delivery Unit

2)Asking for help is a must. When I used to see pregnant women being treated like a handicap person it made the feminist in me enraged. I was determined to be able to do all my normal tasks just as I had always done. Once I hit 7 months, I realized I just couldnt do things. I was too ashamed to admit that I needed help especially after I had been all “I am woman,hear me roar” the whole time. My brother came to me one day and said he had overheard me on the phone complaining about cleaning the house all by myself. He apologized for not realizing just how much assistance I needed and vowed to take out the garbage and clean the litter box for me. He did.

3)Lamaze breathing really does work. Avery’s birth was a scheduled c section but I was feeling more intense contractions and 2 hours after being admitted my water broke. I got nervous because I knew the contractions would only get worse. I immediately flashed back to Amani’s birth and the excruciating pain I experienced during labor. This time,I wanted to be more in control so I took deep breaths as the contractions hit. Surprisingly to me,they really helped. Focusing on my breathing helped distract me from the pain,which on a scale of 1-10 hit a 7.

All in all, I had a great pregnancy. Yeah I had a huge belly and painful edema but I learned that pregnancy is a delicate process you’re body goes through and asking for help not only takes the already heavy load off of you,but it helps bring together family for the preparation of a baby. I’m proud of myself for managing my pain and labor and delivery was quick(5hrs,15 minutes). My first pregnancy experience was full of shame and sadness. I couldnt enjoy watching Amani grow inside me but this time I was filled with overwhelming joy. I encourage all expecting moms to embrace the journey and listen to your body.

MommyinColorExpects:34 Weeks

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MommyinColorExpects:34 Weeks

Hey everyone!!! I’m back!!! First, I really just want to thank all my followers old and new. I can’t believe I was able to get new readers despite the blog being stale for the last month or so. I am so thankful for that!

I was finally able to get a new phone after my old one had been dropped so much, it started malfunctioning. There are a million things I was unable to do with the old phone and I can do EVERYTHING with my new one so YAY! Let’s get into some baby business.

I am currently 34 weeks(approx. 8 months) and Avery is thriving. He is around 5 pounds and is developing at a normal pace. For those of you who follow me on Periscope, you know that there was a concern about Avery’s health when I was 5 months along. There were some cysts found on his brain which did not surprise me. I had the same issue with Amani when I was pregnant with her. Upon her birth, she was born completely healthy is and still is today. I had to have a total of 4 sonograms and a fetal MRI to monitor and determine the nature of the cysts. I went to my last sonogram about two weeks ago and there was no sign of the cysts on Avery’s brain. The sono tech was pleasantly surprised and relieved. I just responded that I knew everything would be fine. We also found out that Avery is in breech position. That means that his feet are still facing the bottom of my stomach and his head is at the top. He should actually be turned around. Here’s what I mean:

I had my last prenatal exam this week and since Avery is breech my o.b. thinks it’s best I get a c-section. Delivering him vaginally in his current position would be a hard and possibly risky delivery and because my prior birthing experience was also not vaginal, we want to be as safe as possible. I’ve been hearing and seeing a lot of articles regarding the mortality rates of Black moms giving birth and its honestly scared the crap out of me so now I just want a safe and quick delivery.

I plan on breastfeeding right from the beginning and so I have been reading up on it. The first thing I learned is that you can store breastmilk for up to a year. I was like ” Say what?!”. I have learned about storing it and that breastmilk develops in stages when you first start. Right now I’m expressing colostrum,which is a watery liquid and the starter milk for Avery. It will change a week or two after we’ve settled into our routine and there are benefits not just for him but me as well. I got a breast pump,too!

I still am not ready for Avery but I’m getting there. His crib and stroller have been ordered which were the most major purchases to be made. Now that it’s done, I’m breathing easier(not really because breathing gets harder week by week). Now all that’s left is a paint job,curtain changes, packing the hospital bag, and buying Avery a snow suit or 2, bibs,diapers,wipes, pacifiers,and just in case formula. I’m hesitant about buying formula because I’m so anxious for breastfeeding to work but I am going to be prepared for IF it doesn’t. This is my last month to do everything and I’m feeling a little pressure to get everything done. However, everything has fallen into place so I’m going to just relax and enjoy buying cute baby things.

MommyinColorCooks:Honey Mustard Porkchops

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I havent pulled out Lucille in a while and I havent cooked a good piece of meat in awhile so after purchasing a meat plan, I decided on pork chops. Normally, I fry them but because I was bored with that and I was feeling mom guilt about notbhaving cooked in awhile, I took to Pinterest for a SIMPLE recipe. My favorite recipes are the ones that don’t have a zillion ingredients that are hard to pronounce. And I found one by Slow Cooker Gourmet that was not only simple but a little outside the box.Just the way I like it!

Since it was a trial, I used 2 center cut porkchops though the recipe call for 2 lbs of pork chops. It doesnt say to season the porkchops beforehand,but I ALWAYS season my meat before I do anything to it so, I used a little Goya Adobo seasoning and Saźon seasoning. If you do season, go lightly the first time because you dont want your seasoning to overpower the honey mustard.

I put the meat directly into Lucille, and moved on to the honey mustard mixture. The recipe calls for 1/2 cup of mayo, 2 tablespoons each of yellow mustard,Dijon mustard,and bbq sauce. You also need 1 tablespoon each of honey and lime juice( I didn’t have Dijon so I used honey mustard which defeats the purpose of the recipe but I was determined. I also subbed lemon juice for lime,didnt notice a taste of it at all really).

Once they were all mixed up, I dumped it right on top of my two porkchops(although I didn’t use the amount of meat called for, I did not use less sauce because I wanted to see how much it would produce for the correct amount of meat).

I set Lucille on high for four hours and I think in the future I may do three because the meat was drier than I like my pork chop to be. If that’s your preference,however,stick to 4 hours. Also, you can brown the pork chops before slow cooking. The result was pretty good although next time I will use lime juice and honey as per the recipe.

What are you making for your sweetie tonight? I would love to know if you tried this recipe how you enjoyed it. Leave me pics and comments below! Happy Valentine’s Day!!!