I know that I should be enjoying my summer with Bubba and I really am but unfortunately summer won’t last always and when Bubba returns to school in September, I will be rotting at home. I lost my job as a cashier in March and its time to get back to the daily grind. I have been looking left and right for something I can do that I can somewhat enjoy. My last job was pretty okay (not including the pain in the ass customers and weird staff members). I think I would be well suited for an office job. However, I haven’t worked in an office setting in almost ten years. And all I did at that job was a lot of filing. It seems if an office job is what I want,I’m going to have to figure out how to use all of these Microsoft programs, which is a job in itself. When I feel really discouraged, I think about how much better my life will be once I’m making my own money again. I consider how broke I always am and the look on Bubba’s face when I can’t afford to buy her a new doll on a whim. It really sucks and I hate it! Which brings me to today’s quote. I think I’m going to have it printed and carry it with me whenever I have a job interview. Maybe I’ll even put it on my ceiling as the last thing I see before closing my eyes. Anyway, I hope it helps all of you who need a little encouragement in any area of your life.
Today marks the 6th anniversary of the shocking death of Michael Jackson. I can’t believe its been that long already and I still can’t believe he is gone from us. In him, we lost an amazing talent for music, lyrics, and dance. For me personally, Michael was a example of how even when people are prejudiced of your uniqueness as a person, you HAVE to keep doing the thing that brings you joy and happiness. I’ve been a hardcore fan of Michael’s since I was 13 years old. Being that age things are changing physically, emotionally,and mentally and I needed something that would keep all these things in balance. Michael’s music fueled my passion for writing and encouraged to continue to march to the beat of my own drum.
The day he passed away, I had just come home from picking Bubba up from daycare. As soon as I closed the door behind me, the news reporter said “Michael Jackson has passed away”. I sent Bubba (then 2 years old) into my room where my brother was playing video games. My biological mother was sitting on the couch watching me. I sat at the dining room table and just stared off into space. I heard my mother’s slippers sliding into the kitchen. I got up and walked into the kitchen behind her and she just grabbed me to her chest and held me. I let loose sobs that I didn’t realize I would ever make. My adopted mother called from work and asked to speak to me. I was crying so hard that she couldn’t make out anything I was saying. She said “I’m on my way home” and an hour later she was holding me and telling me everything was going to be okay. My best friends also called and one asked “Are you going to kill yourself or somethin’ like that?” I actually laughed and assured that friend that I was saddened, not crazy or stupid.I watched the memorial service on television with my adopted mom and we both cried. She grew up as a fan of his music and now a part of her childhood had died. For me it was a bit more dramatic and I felt like a kindred spirit was forever lost to me.
Six years later, Bubba is now a HUGE fan of Michael’s(refuses to watch the Thriller video but has no problem watching zombies get their faces blown off on Walking Dead). Her favorite song is Black or White. She has learned through that song that everyone is different and you should love them for what they look like on the inside, not the outside. Six years later, Michael may have faded from a lot of people’s memories, but still burns vividly in my mind and heart. Whenever I can’t get words on paper, I listen to Loving You ( true fans know I am NOT talking about Who’s Loving You). When I think about Bubba, I hear Got To Be There. When I am smitten with someone I hear The Way You Make Me Feel,when I feel like dancing I hear Enjoy Yourself, and when I miss my mom I hear Will You Be There? So many songs for so many different emotions. That’s true genius and that is a true gift from God.
I was watching the commercial for a new episode of one of Amani”s favorite shows, Victorious, and the students had to face a challenge proposed by one of their teachers.He asked them to go an entire day saying yes to everything. The commercial ended with the students saying yes to ridiculous things ( popping someone’s back pimple, smelling a funky foot,etc…) But the teacher’s challenge did strike a chord with me.
Oftentimes, we go through our lives saying no. We turn down opportunities that we know will make us uncomfortable. That behavior keeps us in our safe zone while simultaneously turning down something that could uplift us emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. If we take risks, something bad may happen but if we don’t take risks, nothing happens. When it comes to following your dreams, it’s all about trial and error. You try one thing, maybe it doesn’t work, and you keep trying until something clicks and you strike gold.
Today I want to challenge all of my mommy friends to say yes to something they would normally dismiss. I know you’ve got more than enough on your plate with kids,work,school, and household duties but I’m talking about saying yes to something that is just for you. It will be scary and hard but I’m here to encourage and support you. I’m not just talking the talk either. I too am saying yes.
When I had my 9-5, I was proud of myself for being able to give my daughter a little financial stability. I love most of my coworkers and learned a lot. But I wasn’t happy because I wasn’t passionate about my job. Hurricane Sandy, though it bought a lot of destruction, also pushed me to do what makes me happy. So I’ve given up my job and I’m saying yes to possible financial instability, possibly being rejected by the blog and writing community but I’m also saying yes to a happier me!