Tag Archives: love

You May Quote…#10

Standard

I know that I should be enjoying my summer with Bubba and I really am but unfortunately summer won’t last always and when Bubba returns to school in September, I will be rotting at home. I lost my job as a cashier in March and its time to get back to the daily grind. I have been looking left and right for something I can do that I can somewhat enjoy. My last job was pretty okay (not including the pain in the ass customers and weird staff members). I think I would be well suited for an office job. However, I haven’t worked in an office setting in almost ten years. And all I did at that job was a lot of filing. It seems if an office job is what I want,I’m going to have to figure out how to use all of these Microsoft programs, which is a job in itself. When I feel really discouraged, I think about how much better my life will be once I’m making my own money again. I consider how broke I always am and the look on Bubba’s face when I can’t afford to buy her a new doll on a whim. It really sucks and I hate it! Which brings me to today’s quote. I think I’m going to have it printed and carry it with me whenever I have a job interview. Maybe I’ll even put it on my ceiling as the last thing I see before closing my eyes. Anyway, I hope it helps all of you who need a little encouragement in any area of your life.

positive quotes - Google Search

Advertisements

Old School Blogging: I am…

Standard

If you want to join head on over to The Miss Elaineous Life and get in on the fun!

I am learning about God

I wonder what my mom would think of me now

I hear my brother’s obnoxiously loud t.v. Lemme go turn it down

I see my daughter’s worn unifor from today piled on my burnt out t.v. Yeah, I’m not a good housekeeping kind of girl

I want ARGO cornstarch. Its my favorite snack. Yes, I eat it right out of the stay fresh container…what’s your point? Oh, and this

I am just trying to figure out what Jennice is all about.

It’s Gonna Take A Miracle

Standard

I very rarely talk about my love life on here mostly because I don’t have one. However, in  the spirit of solidarity among single mom who are dating, I am going to open up a little bit.

I recently ended a six year…situation with a man I am very much in love with. I can’t exactly say he was my boyfriend and he even describes us as close friends *side eye*. We didn’t spend as much time together as regular couples do and he only lives one borough away from me. We spoke to each other everyday via text, Facebook messenger, Yahoo messenger, or Tango video app.  When we did see each other we enjoyed it. He made me smile, he made me think, and he made me feel good. It was easy to be in love with him, I’ve known him all of my adult life and I consider him my best male friend.

Our issue was I always coming up with excuses not to meet up with him when he invited me out. The reason was because my mother did not approve of him. Whenever I tried to have a woman to woman grown up conversation about him to her, she’d roll her eyes, suck her teeth, or make some nasty and mean remark. Sometimes we argued about him and it would just end with me having my feelings hurt. Eventually, it just became easier for me to not ask her to babysit for me and I would going without seeing this man or months, and a even a year would pass by.

He stuck it out but I guess I got friend zoned…well, “special friend” zoned. When this year rolled around, I decided that this was the year that he and I would reconnect and be in love. So, I started appealing to my mom. I told her I was in love with him and he was “the One”. She gave up her crusade of not wanting me with him and said she would gladly babysit Bubba when I wanted her to as long as I gave a couple days notice. Me and “the One” spent Valentine’s Day Eve together, and that was it. Things got weird recently.

We had a conversation about where our relationship was headed and “the One” revealed to me that he wanted to wait five years to “get together” (not married) so that he could build his business. I let it go but it just kept gnawing at my brain. I’m 25(this was before my recent birthday) and he is 36. We’ve known each other for six years but he doesn’t want to marry me, he wants to “get together”. I asked him a couple of times if he was willing to compromise his time frame and he said no. The five year plan is fine for new couples but not us.

As I ask him more about what he wants, it is revealed to me that he isn’t sure if he wants to remarry and that he doesn’t want a girlfriend. Oh, ok. So what the f**k does that make me, bruh? I started having those feelings of doubt, humiliation, guilt, sadness…all the things you feel when you know a relationship is over.

A couple of days before my birthday, I realize that I need to refocus on getting myself together. I had to stop being so wrapped up in what our relationship is or isn’t because he wasn’t losing any sleep over it, so why should I anymore? I told “the One’ that we should no longer be in touch because I had to learn how to not have him in my life. Initially, I asked him if we could work on us,told him I was in love with him, but to no avail. He had started seeing someone else. When he told me, he then proceeded to act like we could have a regular conversation after a statement like that. I HATE having my feelings dismissed. It’s Pet Peeve #1.

Let me be perfectly clear, “the One” did stick through 6 years of nonsense between me and my mom that kept us apart. He didn’t have to stick it out, but he did so for that I guess he deserves some props.My issue with him now is that we don’t want the same things.In five years, he still may not want what I do he isn’t going to budge on his five year plan.I’m not saying he has to. But I want to be a wife in five years and now that I’m aware of his uncertainty, I owe it to myself to detach emotionally and wait on someone who does want what I want. Like the Deneice Williams’ song implies “Its gonna take a miracle to make me love someone new, cuz I’m crazy for you”. I wonder how long that miracle will take…five years,perhaps?.

Nine Ideas for When You Have a Broken Heart

Link

Happy Valentine’s Day to all the lovers out there! Thank you to Tamara for this V’day meme.Enjoy!

1)How do you typically celebrate Valentine’s Day?
I usually buy Bubba a large box of chocolates and a frilly pink card.

2)Do you like to get A) chocolates B) flowers C) a sweet card or D)all of the above?
I’m all about sentiment so a sweet card is good enough for me.

3)Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? If not,would you at least cuddle on Valentine’s Day?
I’m a very affectionate person so I’m definitely a cuddler!

4)What is your favorite movie about love or with a love story?
My favorite movies regarding love is probably Love in the Time of Cholera and Frieda

5)Do you believe in “love at first sight”?Did it happen to you?
I do believe in love at first sight but no its never happened to me.

6)Do you believe love can conquer all things?
I don’t know.I have no positive examples of true love in my life,so I can’t say.

7)What is ONE of the main things you love about your S.O.(significant other)
I love a man who has ambition and is willing to work hard to get what he wants…including me!

8)If you could have the perfect Valentine’s date,what would you and your loved one do?
I would love to go to a dimly lit nice restaurant ib Manhattan,have a nice glass of red wine,then take a romantic stroll through Central Park(y’all know I don’t do heels or pumps)

9)Tell me about your first crush!
My first crush was on Michael Jackson.I saw his music video for ‘Scream’ for the first time and I just…fell in love.

10)Do you have any embarrassing or horror dating stories?
Yep. I started talking to a man I met on a bus.He and I had great phone conversations for about a month.I was finally ready to go out with him when I received a phone call from a woman.She wasn’t hostile in any way,but she did let me know that the guy was her husband and had been for 20+ years! I was horrified,I apologized and assured her I had no cludme he was married.She said he had been unfaithful to her their entire marriage and she wasn’t mad at me at all.Awkward!

11)Favorite flower?
I hate flowers.All of my memories of flowers are associated with funerals.

12)What’s the first type of chocolate you hope for when you reach into a box of chocolate?
Something with a caramel center. I don’t care for fruit centered candy.

13)Favorite love song?
That’s a tough one. I ‘m going to say Just Because by Anita Baker.Its the song I want to be the first dance song when I get married.

14)What is the best break up song?
Another tough one. Don’t You(Forget About Me) by Simple Minds.Remember the theme song to The Breakfast Club?

15)Favorite celebrity couple?
I have no faith in celeb couples.

16)Overall,are you pro or anti Valentine’s Day?
Definitely pro.I’m a sucker for love and romance and showing it in a big way.

17)If someone did that “Say Anything” boombox thing outside your window,would you be into it,or call the police?
I’m not sure what this mean but if its a showcase of love,I’m all for it.

18)First thing you notice about the objects of your affection?
Their smile definitely! My fave smiles belong to Michael Jackson,Tyler Perry,and Bubba(my daughter).

19)What’s the best thing you’ve ever gotten for Valentine’s Day?
There is a tie for best gift. In 8th grade,my boyfriend gave me the deluxe edition of Michael Jackson’s HIStory CD. In 9th grade, my crush gave me a Hello Kitty charm bracelet. He got down on one knee(in front of the entire class), asked me to be his girlfriend while putting the bracelet on my wrist. We are still really close friends!

Life Imitating Art

Standard

I have been a fan of author Eric Jerome Dickey’s for almost ten years. His words about,love sex,and life from an African American perspective have always resonated with me. He doesn’t cast his characters as “cheap hoods“ or “gold diggin’ baby mamas“ or “side chicks“ like alot of today’s black literature. He makes them CEOs of companies or well off entrepeneurs and gives their lives a complexity that I love. I finished his most recent work, Decadence last week and I absolutely fell in love with his main character,Nia Simone Bijou.
She is a self made woman who lives her life the way she wants. She doesn’t bend to any man’s will but that’s not to say she’s some sort of feminist man hater. Nia makes it crystal clear how she feels about sex and relationships With my current love life being in the dumps, I have been thinking alot about what kind of relationship I want and how I feel about myself in relationships. Nia sums up what I feel in this monologue:

“I crave love. I am human, and love I do need because love fuels us,but with the fear that resides in my heart,and now,not now,but lately,very lately,realizing I have an unhealed wound, I can’t cathect love,can’t invest emotional energy into something so wonderful,yet so destructive. And that does not mean that I don’t believe in love. Sure, it could work forever,but the odds are that it will eventually expire. I am an artist. I am a writer. I am fickle… I am underrated and yet people expect too much. I am restless. I am not a woman who feels that she is put on earth to seek out a husband,but one day i will and know that in the end he will suffer…I am outrageous in private and yet I am at times,shy in public. Take me as I am. Accept me as I am. Take my fears. This is me“.
           
                            – Nia Simone Bijou
                           from Decadence by Eric Jerome Dickey

Love,Oh Love,Stop Making A Fool of Me

Standard

I’ve always been a sucker for love. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve believed in romance,Prince Charming,and happily ever after. I am motivated to find Mr. Right because I know he’s out there.

Growing up, I never got to see an example of true love.Mommy N was never in a serious relationship until she married my stepfather. Before him she NEVER had a revolving door of men around my brother and I  because she respected us. When I got older, she told me of a true love she had when she was younger. The man she was in love with was killed on the night he proposed marriage to her. I think from that point on,she gave up on love. My stepfather was a decent man and he seemed to be in love with Mommy N,but she wasn’t in love with him. After only two months of marriage they went their separate ways. I think Mommy N married him so L and I would have a father in our lives.

Mommy A was married at 17 to a man 30 years her senior. She was completely in love with him and vice versa. The lived in wedded bliss for four years. After Mommy A gave birth to my oldest brother she left her husband for her addiction. He died 7 months ago and she took it hard. Even though she left him,she was still in love with him and I watched her regret ever leaving him.

My first experience with love was Amani’s father. I was 17 years old when I fell for him,but in retrospect I think I just wanted attention from anyone because I wasn’t getting it at home. As a result of that, I have Bubba, whom I love to pieces!

To be honest, I’ve had a string of lovers and two serious relationships. In those relationships, I’ve noticed that I put up a wall. I am scared to give a man my heart because I don’t want to become a cautionary tale like my mothers.

I know what kind of man I want in my life. I know that I’m not ready to be a wife but I am looking for long term stability. I have been involved with someone off and on for about 5 years and even when we weren’t “together”, he was there for me. He puts up with all of my family drama,which would drive most guys away. He encourages me to do my best,and even though I’ve dated another guy,he STILL loves me. I don’t want to lose him but he’s so much more stable in his life than I am. He works, takes great care of his children,and stands on his own two feet. I just want to be able to be equal to him,because I can definitely see myself being with him forever.

Do you think I’m being paranoid in thinking I’ll wind up like my mothers? Should I go ahead and be with the  guy before I lose him for good or wait until I’m more stable in my life?