So, this summer I got a brand new library card. I was so stoked!!! I felt like almost as good as I would feel if Denzel Washington had showed upon my doorstep( another post for another time). Anyway, I made myself a summer reading list to encourage Bubba to read the books off of her reading list(its not going well) and I have been doing really well with it. I could read all day every day without the benefits of technology.As I tell any and everyone, KEEP YOUR DAMN NOOK BOOKS!!! Today’s quote reflects exactly how I feel when I’m reading.
WHAT ARE YOU READING THIS SUMMER?
I know that I should be enjoying my summer with Bubba and I really am but unfortunately summer won’t last always and when Bubba returns to school in September, I will be rotting at home. I lost my job as a cashier in March and its time to get back to the daily grind. I have been looking left and right for something I can do that I can somewhat enjoy. My last job was pretty okay (not including the pain in the ass customers and weird staff members). I think I would be well suited for an office job. However, I haven’t worked in an office setting in almost ten years. And all I did at that job was a lot of filing. It seems if an office job is what I want,I’m going to have to figure out how to use all of these Microsoft programs, which is a job in itself. When I feel really discouraged, I think about how much better my life will be once I’m making my own money again. I consider how broke I always am and the look on Bubba’s face when I can’t afford to buy her a new doll on a whim. It really sucks and I hate it! Which brings me to today’s quote. I think I’m going to have it printed and carry it with me whenever I have a job interview. Maybe I’ll even put it on my ceiling as the last thing I see before closing my eyes. Anyway, I hope it helps all of you who need a little encouragement in any area of your life.
Today marks the 6th anniversary of the shocking death of Michael Jackson. I can’t believe its been that long already and I still can’t believe he is gone from us. In him, we lost an amazing talent for music, lyrics, and dance. For me personally, Michael was a example of how even when people are prejudiced of your uniqueness as a person, you HAVE to keep doing the thing that brings you joy and happiness. I’ve been a hardcore fan of Michael’s since I was 13 years old. Being that age things are changing physically, emotionally,and mentally and I needed something that would keep all these things in balance. Michael’s music fueled my passion for writing and encouraged to continue to march to the beat of my own drum.
The day he passed away, I had just come home from picking Bubba up from daycare. As soon as I closed the door behind me, the news reporter said “Michael Jackson has passed away”. I sent Bubba (then 2 years old) into my room where my brother was playing video games. My biological mother was sitting on the couch watching me. I sat at the dining room table and just stared off into space. I heard my mother’s slippers sliding into the kitchen. I got up and walked into the kitchen behind her and she just grabbed me to her chest and held me. I let loose sobs that I didn’t realize I would ever make. My adopted mother called from work and asked to speak to me. I was crying so hard that she couldn’t make out anything I was saying. She said “I’m on my way home” and an hour later she was holding me and telling me everything was going to be okay. My best friends also called and one asked “Are you going to kill yourself or somethin’ like that?” I actually laughed and assured that friend that I was saddened, not crazy or stupid.I watched the memorial service on television with my adopted mom and we both cried. She grew up as a fan of his music and now a part of her childhood had died. For me it was a bit more dramatic and I felt like a kindred spirit was forever lost to me.
Six years later, Bubba is now a HUGE fan of Michael’s(refuses to watch the Thriller video but has no problem watching zombies get their faces blown off on Walking Dead). Her favorite song is Black or White. She has learned through that song that everyone is different and you should love them for what they look like on the inside, not the outside. Six years later, Michael may have faded from a lot of people’s memories, but still burns vividly in my mind and heart. Whenever I can’t get words on paper, I listen to Loving You ( true fans know I am NOT talking about Who’s Loving You). When I think about Bubba, I hear Got To Be There. When I am smitten with someone I hear The Way You Make Me Feel,when I feel like dancing I hear Enjoy Yourself, and when I miss my mom I hear Will You Be There? So many songs for so many different emotions. That’s true genius and that is a true gift from God.
With my mother’s 50-somethingth birthday coming upon Father’s Day (how funny), I was thinking about how she feels now that she has two grown children and four grandchildren. Does she think about the mistakes she made with us growing up? How often? Does she think about the mistakes her children make as parents and ever blame herself? I don’t mean to sound negative but although I’m only seven years into motherhood, I have questions like this myself. Sometimes I catch my mom just staring at me and I wonder what she sees. Happy Birthday, Mom!!!
I love this quote! I got it from the Pinterest board of GG Renee. When I graduated from high school and received my high school year book, there was no picture of me. The reason being was the day I was scheduled to take my yearbook photo, I was in my guidance counselor’s office bearing my soul about the illicit relationship I was having with Bubba’s father. But that’s a later discussion. Anyway, when I remembered that I didn’t take my picture, I didn’t care, I drowned myself in the over 1500 students in my high school. I wasn’t a part of any extracurricular clubs, sports teams, or committees. I was a writer on the school newspaper, The Highlighter, but no one read it. My friends were few and even though they loved me,I never felt I truly belonged to them anyway.I remember a girl my best friend used to hang out with came up to her one day and asked her why she hung out with me. “She’s weird you know, always hanging out in the library or writing something down” she said. I was sitting right there while this girl acted like I was invisible. And I was. Still am but now I embrace it. I love me because I’m weird and I like indie films and books in a world that gets praised for sameness and trendy.Don’t get me wrong, I do like some trends, but I prefer to start my own…even if I’m the only one following it.
Dude seriously, let it GO!!!